


one empty soul, one broken soul, and one that was never there in the first place

by intoxicated_by_our_lies, klismaphilia



Series: Original Works/Modern Setting [3]
Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Backstory, Cancer, Comfort Sex, Depression, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Trauma, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Cancer, Physical Abuse, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:32:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6585223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intoxicated_by_our_lies/pseuds/intoxicated_by_our_lies, https://archiveofourown.org/users/klismaphilia/pseuds/klismaphilia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Siri’s one hundred percent sure that he can hear crying from the other room."</p>
            </blockquote>





	one empty soul, one broken soul, and one that was never there in the first place

**Author's Note:**

> Please see Reflections for more information on what is happening.

Siri’s one hundred percent sure that he can hear crying from the other room, though the heavy sound of fat droplets of water obscure his hearing. Turning the knob off until the water pressure becomes nothing, he opens the shower door and wraps a towel around his waist tightly. He doesn’t bother drying off more than his legs, preferring to dry naturally compared to alternative options. 

 

Brushing a hand through his long, wet black hair, Siri makes his way out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. His eyes immediately locked onto the sobbing, shaking almost uncontrollably, boy on the bed in a tight ball. The younger boy purses his lips, unsure of what he’s supposed to really do. “A-Aki? A..are you okay..?”

 

When the boy turns around, the twenty-some year old man flinched at the sight of a rather nasty bruise on his ribs and a cut lip still dripping blood. “Y-Yuki..? W-what did you.. do to s-s-set him off?” Slowly making his way towards the bed, he reached a hand out to lay it gently on his shoulder. “D-do you want me.. t-to g-get you something?”

 

He couldn't find the words to say, or even the breath to speak. It felt like his chest was caving in, like his entire heart was about to collapse and leave him as something even less than he already was. Akivya couldn't even meet Siri’s eyes, wrapping arms around his too-thin body almost in shame of the bruises and still red welts on his sides.

 

He brings a hand up to brush tears from his eyes, throat closing up as he attempts to gurgle out words, shaking still far too rapid to quell. And it… he doesn't know if it's his fault that Yuki’s so upset, his failure, inability to do anything right… Akivya brushes long strands of hair away from his face, a few light whimpers leaving his lips as he tries to match eyes with the younger man.

 

“I… Siri, I can't… I can't do it… C-can't give him what he wants. Please… I-I can't let him hear… not again…”

 

“W-what happened?” Siri curled his hand around his jaw, forcing him to look at him while he ran a hand through his sides, trying to not touch it too hard. When Akivya hissed in pain, tears welling up his eyes as he tried to push back away from him. “S-sorry, I’m sorry- Sorry,” he grimaces, showing his hands. “I-I just wanted to see the damage.. I-I don’t think they’re broken, Aki.. just bruised really badly. I-I can get you s-some aspirin, if you need it.”

 

He licks his lips, chewing on his bottom one as he tried to settle himself down. Great- Yuki was going to be a bad mood once again. Siri was hoping that since the holidays were coming up, he’d calm down a bit, but it only seemed like he was getting worse. Why he hit Akivya this hard was beyond him- usually when he hit them, he didn’t leave bruises or lasting damage, but in this case it was completely different. 

 

“What.. what set him off this time?”

 

“I-it’s not you,” Akivya manages to hiss, barely glancing at Siri’s hands, fingers fiddling with the towel loosely clinging to his waist. “Nothing… nothing you did, sweetie, I-I promise. You’re so… so good for him, y’know? Just… I mean… I dunno. I think…” he takes a deep breath, trying to get his thoughts steady enough that he can speak again, even though he’s utterly unable to do anything but look at the inside of his own eyelids. 

 

Wrapping a thin, black blanket around his shoulders, he barely raised his eyes to meet those of the younger man, only for a brief second, before he was biting down on his tongue and trying to turn away again. His hands were trembling, teeth clenched so tightly he was worried they’d break when he finally exhaled a breath he’d held far too long. He looks down his body, the pants barely clinging to his narrow hips, the blanket that was now thankfully covering his chest…

 

“I-I just…” he tries, too embarrassed to really get out his thoughts because  _ I haven’t talked with Siri about this before  _ and  _ he doesn’t have the slightest clue what to do and I don’t want to make it worse for him tomorrow.  _ Falling so that his back is pressed against the headboard, ignoring the pain clinging to his ribs, he manages to choke out. “It was… it was about me being… useless, you know? Just, I- Yuki… he wants kids, right? And- and he’s my bunbun and I gotta make him happy, because… we’re together and that’s what you do. B-but… it got fucked up again. H-he thinks it’s my fault… that it didn’t work. I’m sorry, Siri- just… just don’t mention it to him, okay? It’s gonna be all better in the morning. I-I won’t let him… do anything else.”

 

“What?” Siri slowly retracted his hands from Akivya’s sides, looking up at him confused. “W-what are you talking about..? Aki..” he only managed to stare at him, getting up from his spot. He ran another hand through his damp hair, terrified of what he was talking about- even if he had no idea what he was actually saying. He knew that Yuki had always wanted kids.. mentioned it to him a few times, though he knew that Siri disliked kids and always seemed upset that he turned down the option of having them at any point in the nearby by future.

 

“D-did Yuki do this because.. you couldn’t have kids?” Siri let his hand relax on his leg, trying his best to comfort the older man- though it was obvious that it was completely useless. He looked terrified, broken. Yuki always had a way to make them both feel like shit for things that aren’t at all their fault. He didn’t know how in the world he did it- it was like his own special power. It only ever served to make Siri question their relationship more.. even if he knew he was in no position to ever do so. No job, no family.. fuck- he hadn’t even completed his schooling. Yuki was all he had, he was his lifeline.

 

“I-I..” he made a beeline for the door, opening it just enough to see the outlines of Yuki leaving their apartment, coat in hand. “Y..you don’t have to worry, Aki.. h-he just left. C-can you talk to me m-more about what happened, p-please?”

 

He isn’t sure he wants to talk, because even though the thought of Yuki walking out that door, hearing it click from somewhere off in the hallway, is a huge relief, at the same time there’s too much to explain, half of it stuff that he’s hardly spoke about and certainly never  _ wanted to,  _ and he’s almost scared. Terrified, the hair on the back of his neck standing up, skin quivering, practically bristling as he bit down on his lip again and finally swallowed back the lump in his throat.

 

“I- Siri, you… you don’t have to… I mean…” Akivya licks his lips, before finally choking out, “H-he thinks that it’s me… but it’s not… it-it’s him. It’s his own fault, not… not me… I wanted to make him happy, it’s all I ever wanted… I c-could have a kid if it was with someone else…”  _ But that’s exactly the problem,  _ is the only thing he manages to think, almost laughing as he looks back up to Siri. “I- d-did Yuki ever tell you how we met…? I… I don’t know if he did… I was kinda like you… street rat. Dropout… I… you can’t judge me, cuddlekins, kay?” 

 

He runs his fingers over the fabric of the blanket, pulling it closer to his chilled skin. “I- when Yuki met me… w-we met in… in a hotel. Um… he-he thinks that I’m b-broken because… because of what I did to myself? Like, he says that it’s because I’m a whore… and that our baby would’ve had fucked up genes anyway… started screaming at me for it. I shouldn’t have- I told him that it was him… that he’s fuckin’ bent or whatever, y’know, I just… Siri.” 

 

He cut himself off again with the tears building in his eyes, hugging his arms closer to his chest as he tries to hold Siri’s gaze, just barely able to make out his figure in the dim light of the room. “I-it’s my fault! Really, it is, I know… it’s fine. I’ll be better in the morning… you can… h-he’ll want to see you more, I think.”

 

The only thing he can make out is, “I-I wasn’t a street rat,” because he’s too confused and doesn’t know what to say, only that he’s completely sure that Akivya is crying once again and he can’t stand the sound of crying. Siri moves to grab his hand, almost too gently, the sentence, “He- he shouldn’t.. shouldn’t have hi-hit you, Akivya.. he ne-never deserves to hit you- no one deserves to do that.. n-not to you.”

 

“W-why…?” He wasn’t sure what he was really asking- there were tons of ‘whys’ he could’ve been referring to right now.. “Why?” to all of them, he tried to tell himself. Maybe even ‘what’ or ‘when’; he’d let Akivya fill in the blanks.. 

 

The best he can do is offer a half-smile to the other man, his cracked lips still bleeding slightly at the edges as he manages to wrap arms around Siri’s waist and pull him closer, until he can press his face against the younger man’s chest and cling to his back with shaking arms, uncertain of whether or not Siri’s going to push him away. He isn’t even sure if Siri likes physical contact, not really- they never spent time together like that, because Yuki would just accuse them of sleeping with each other and betraying his trust and then-!

 

The thought is enough to get him worked up again, Akivya’s breath speeding almost unnecessarily, tensing up against Siri’s body.  _ What is he saying…?  _ Was the only thought that really seemed to resound, looking up at his face, eyes entirely too wide as he asks, “What?” 

 

The response is another echo of ‘why?’ It only leads Akivya to pull back, harshly, a shuddering breath being dragged in as he tries to think about why he’s asking- what he wants to know about, what any of it means… “I-It’s because he doesn’t trust me,” he says, finally, panting, shallow and unhealthy gasps of air being pulled in. “Because I used to sleep around… before Yuki. Because he thinks that I fucked myself up or I don’t wanna have his kid or something- which I don’t, Siri, I’m fucking terrified of kids… I-I  _ don’t know.” _

 

“F-fuck Yuki..” he almost winces at his own words, terrified that the door is going to just suddenly open up to reveal Yuki standing at the door and he’s going to be beaten or hit or degraded.. or whatever Yuki decides he wants to do to him. “H-he.. he shouldn’t have the right to basically terrify you like he does to.. to-to.. the b-both of us. It-it’s not right.. n-not right at all. H-he doesn’t deserve people like-like us.. no-not you.”

 

He curls his hands around the back of Akivya’s head, pressing his chest against his until he’s sure that it somewhat resembles a hug or something affectionate-ish. Siri rarely gets to touch him- too scared of Yuki coming in and screaming at them both.. hand shakes and light squeezes of hands are all the two of them really have had since they met.. which was so long ago, too long for him to really remember perfectly. Still, as he felt the boy’s warm body heat against his, the nice smell of his hair, he could help but let himself just relax into his embrace just a bit longer than he really should’ve.

 

“Yuki.. Yuki’s in his sixties, almost seventy, why in the world does he think that he should be having kids? He’ll.. he’ll be dead by the time they’re in their teenager years..” 

 

“I-I don’t know,” is all Akivya manages to say, biting his lip again as he looks up at Siri, both confused and terrified, unsure of what he should do or say. The feeling of Siri’s body against his is nice… warm, not like Yuki’s, and almost comforting. It makes him just want to stay this way… as long as possible. Before Yuki gets back and screams at the both of them, hits them because  _ you can’t do anything right _ and  _ you’ve got to be sleeping with Siri _ and…

 

“Siri?” Akivya murmurs quietly, questioning as he clings to the other with his arms around Siri’s neck, perhaps a bit too intimate, but at the same time, not quite enough. He doesn’t know why he suddenly longs for someone’s touch that doesn’t bruise or scar his skin, because Yuki was there for him when he was at his worst, and he should be grateful…

 

Still, as he grapples to hold onto Siri as long as possible, it’s only even more disappointing when he’s forced to let go, has to pull away in fear of anything happening, his eyes widening as he thinks he hears a sound out in the hall… but it passes, briefly, just a creak of the house, and that’s when Akivya finally whispers,”I-I wish it was just us… we… we’d be so happy together… take care of each other… Yuki… Yuki doesn’t deserve a baby. He doesn’t deserve you… I think… I think we should leave.”

 

“A-and go where?” Siri finally asks, biting his lip too hard because he can taste blood once again. “W-we can’t just..  _ just leave. _ I-I don’t know about.. about you, A-Aki, but I-I don’t have shit- I.. I didn’t-didn’t have a-anything befo-before Yuki a-and I won’t have anything wi-without him. It’ll… It’ll be be back at living on.. the streets- I-I won’t do that again.” 

 

He wipes his eyes, unsure if he’s on the verge of crying or if it’s just the water dripping from his head. “Y-Yuki..he’s violent and.. and just kind of an ass-asshole, but.. he-he’s not a bad guy.. h-he took us both in and-and when he’s in a good mood time.. he’s not too bad?” Siri looked away from him, playing with the towel that only threatened to fall as they talked more. “W-when he’s.. he’s upset, i-it’s easier just to g-give in and do.. what he wants. M-my stepmom.. she-she was just just like him- co-compared to others.. he’s not really all that bad, Akivya, really. We could do a lot worse than just.. just him.”

 

Breaking away from the warmth that radiated from Akivya’s skin, he managed his way over to the dresser and dropped his towel. He was hoping that Akivya wasn’t looking at him the way that he thought he was- or at all. He’s known him for far too long, but.. seeing him naked, he doesn’t think they’ve ever been together in that way. Fuck- Yuki didn’t let them touch each other, and he didn’t seem to be big on threesomes. Sighing, almost scared of the look on Akivya’s face when he turns around, he slips on a pair of white underwear. “We.. just.. have to be there for each other- A-Aki.. he’s not that bad if you h-have someone to talk.. talk about with.”

 

He doesn't know. He doesn't know what to think or feel- about any of it. All he knows is that he's terrified- there's a pounding in his chest and a shiver running up his spine and feeling like it's about to break his entire body. He feels like he's fragmenting, because all he can remember are the hits and he knows it's only making it worse for Siri, but Akivya can't help himself.

 

He's quivering, almost afraid when Siri turns to look at him for reasons unknown. Because it's Siri and he's so nice and quiet and endearing and it should make him feel comforted… maybe it's the almost crushing unworthiness of his being. Akivya feels…  _ useless, worthless, inept, unwanted…  _

 

He manages to look up at Siri again, almost surprised when the younger man sits on the edge of the bed again. And then before he can give it a second thought, he's almost whispering, “I'm so glad I have you, Siri… please, don't… don't leave me alone.” Then he's leaning forward and pressing his lips against Siri's, trying not to look too ashamed when he turns his eyes away with a muffled “Sorry.”

 

Siri doesn’t respond, instead, wrapping his wrists around his neck and bringing his lips back against his. He wasn’t sure why he did this- at all, really. But he doesn’t really seem to regret it, opening his mouth just enough to feel Akivya’s tongue slithering in just to swab against the insides of his cheeks. His breath is harsh, coming out in desperate pants as he hesitantly relaxed his hand on his chest, Akivya’s hand moving into a fist as he pulled him down until he was underneath the younger male.

 

The Native man broke the kiss for a moment, kissing his chin, whispering, “I-I won’t leave you, Akivya.. p-promise.” His hand briefly touched Akivya’s ribs, gently. The thought of Yuki opening the door now feels even worse- the worrying of him accusing them both of cheating, beating them both.. Siri doesn’t stop though, not even when he could swear he could hear the sound of Yuki’s voice in his ears, his voice biting at his neck like ice.

 

“I love you,” he pecks at his ear, not sure if he’s really sure if he means it or if it’s just in the heat of the moment. 

 

He feels almost tense, the thought of Yuki walking in on them like this too great a possibility… his ribs are still so sore, and the ache in his chest only grows at the thought. Akivya’s mind is telling him to push Siri away, pull himself together, try and sort everything out before Yuki gets back… apologize to Siri and tell him it's all a mistake. But it isn't and Siri just said he loved him and Akivya thinks he loves Siri too. More than Yuki… more than being trapped in a prison of abuse.

 

“I need you,” he's hissing, fingers curling around Siri's shoulders, tilting his head back to expose his neck as he pulls the younger man closer… he isn't sure why it feels so good to hold Siri like this, to look up at him, still trembling, and offer him a smile wider than he'd ever given Yuki. He's choking on air and doesn't know how to speak, he just knows that he's with Siri and he's so warm and Akivya's shaking and crying softly, but he wants him so badly that Siri’s name is the only thing he can say…

 

“I wanna feel you, Siri.”

 

Siri tries to nod into his neck as he continues his line of quick gentle kisses down his neck, biting down softly to feel Akivya moan as a light bruise builds underneath them. He knew he’d regret it- Yuki would see it and he’d be fucked so hard, he could only imagine whether he would hit him first or hit Akivya. It all made him feel sick though- the thought of Yuki beating them because the two people he was fucking- that lived in the same house, saw each other everyday- decided to fuck each other.

 

“You’re so soft, Aki,” he tried to ignore the feeling of terror and repulsion in his chest that continued to build, letting his hands escape down Akivya’s pants, fingers curling around the soft dark curls. Looking back up to the older man, he pressed a light kiss to his chin before almost mouthing  _ just tell me when to stop. _

 

“I want you too, Akivya,” he smiled, letting his fingers twist around the other’s cock and tug. A low moan escaped the other’s lips, licking his top lip, arching back enough for Siri to be able to completely remove his long pants and wrap his boxers around around his knees. “K-keep a lookout for Y-Yuki..”

 

Akivya shivers the second he feels cold air hitting his lower body, quelled only slightly with the feeling of Siri's warm hands smoothing over the bare skin of his thighs. He sucks in a breath, raising his eyes until he can meet Siri's gaze, his entire form trembling lightly as he reaches a hand to tangle in the other's hair, fingers gripping the back of his neck. He doesn't want him to stop- not even when he thinks he can hear footsteps.

 

He tries to relax, lying back against the unclean sheets and letting his legs fall apart, thighs spreading almost too quickly. Akivya doesn't think he can deny how desperate he is, because Siri's touches are gentle, soft and tender- not like Yuki's rough grip and rage-filled hits and icy glares. He thinks he's lucky- lucky that Siri would do this for trash like him, lucky that he's being so nice…

 

He can't help gasping, hips arching forward as Siri's hand teases his length, entirely too eager to reciprocate as he slides his hand over Siri's chest to tease the dark skin. “Siri- p-please…” Akivya gasps, one leg sliding around his hip to tangle with his body. “I-it's so different, please, f-feels good-”

 

Siri’s only real thought is that his previous shower was all for nothing as he proceeds to feel Akivya’s cock rubbing against his bulge and fingers already sticky with precum. It felt nicer than it did with Yuki- Akivya’s moans were pleasured, begs and shakes, while Yuki’s were controlled and demanding for something more. Akivya was just nicer in general. He wanted more with Akivya, but he doubted that he’d ever really get the chance to do this to the older man again. 

 

His teeth teased the sensitive parts of his chest, fingers massaging his nipples as he rotated from sucking and giving taunting kisses to almost roughly devouring his neck with harsh lovebites. Fuck- at this point, Yuki was almost destined to see the two of them were fucking.. he was already marked. Still, it didn’t stop him from trying to turn him over, hands making their way to his entrance and moaning his name between pants.

 

He reached over to the bedside table, opening the first drawer to look for lube- fumbling around for far too long until he managed to find an open and half used bottle. Siri pressed a gentle kiss to the back of his neck as he began to lubricate his fingers with it, nails digging into his skin to open his thighs more. “A-Aki.. j-just tell me when to stop. O-okay?”

 

He doesn't know if Siri can even see his nod, face buried in the pillow too far to really make out the other's actions. He can feel fingers teasing the back of his thighs, legs shuddering almost too much from the sheer anticipation. Akivya knows they need to hurry up- just fuck before Yuki can get back and see what they've been doing and beat the shit out of them… but he wants it to last forever. It's too pleasant a feeling, Siri being with him like this, and he likes it a little too much.

 

When the first finger slides into him, he can't help letting out a short cry, his body arching against the mattress, legs spread wider than he thinks they've ever been. He can feel his bruised ribs aching too intensely, only growing more pained the more he moves against the bed, but the feeling of being spread-  _ gently-  _ is too good to bother noting it. He wants more, wants Siri, wants to be fucked the way Siri's intent on doing, with  _ love. _

 

The second finger presses in, and his body's tensing, muscles tight as he bites down on his lip. He wants to moan- loudly, almost begging- but he can't bring himself to. The bites covering his neck have already blown their cover, but he likes being marked, likes the way it makes him feel… he's pushing back against Siri's fingers, squirming, a red mess when the shiver runs up his spine and he can't breathe, too turned on to do anything. He's gasping and keening, thighs shaking as he tries to get Siri's fingers  _ deeper,  _ feel his touch as long as possible…

 

Siri wonders if he’s hurting him- if he needs to be more gentle- from the sound of the cries he’s making, he almost just wants to take his fingers out from inside of him and apologize. Hesitantly, he he slowly retrieves his fingers from his ass and tries to mumble out a indistinct, “S-sorry-” only to be cut off by Akivya moaning in protest, grinding his body back against him. His hands gripped his waist, unsure once again of what he should do, before sliding down his briefs and attempting to position himself inside of him.

 

Akivya whimpers, toes curling and wrapping his hands in the sheets, causing Siri to stop his slow thrusts for a moment before doing so again when he insisted quietly. It’d been too long since he was on top, seeing as Yuki was a top that didn’t have a single ‘switch’ option inside of him, he was always stuck sucking or receiving. He didn’t really mind it- fuck, he liked it for the most part, but he longed for being able to fuck someone again.. it felt almost degrading to always be on the bottom, his pleasure inside of him constantly. The fact that Akivya was willing to be so was great to him, like a sign they really were meant to be.

 

“You’re so weirdly tight,” he tries to laugh, muffling back a moan of his own. Siri could feel the walls of Akivya’s asshole clenching up on him, thrusting back needily, which only forced him to go faster than he was really hoping to go. “F-fuck, Aki,” he swallowed, grabbing onto the wall for support as he wrapped an arm around his too-thin waist as an attempt to slow the man down just a bit so he could get into a pace he could keep up with. He wondered if he was this way with Yuki.. if Yuki had taught him to constantly be greedy and wanting to go faster in thrusts, he wouldn’t really be surprised. Yuki was the same way, unrelenting in how he fucked and thrusted into someone. “S-slow down.” 

 

He tried to mumble out a ‘sorry’, trying to keep himself from getting any more excited than he already was, his skin tingling, entire body shaking as he continued to clench up around the other’s length. Akivya squirmed, slightly, trying to hold himself in place by grabbing the sheets, his fingers gripping them so tightly he felt like his knuckles would break. Biting down on his tongue to cover another moan, he tried to grasp for Siri’s hand- anything- wanting to hold onto him while they fucked, almost too much so.

 

He doesn’t remember a time when he’s been so needy for something before- needing to feel Siri’s cock inside him, needing him to go faster, needing him to hold his body close and whisper promises in his ear… like a lover. That’s what lovers do, right? Not- not Yuki… Yuki never did that with him, only fucking him until he spilled over and leaving him to clean everything up. This is exhilarating in an entirely different way, and Akivya likes it more than any sex he’s ever had… it’s why he can’t keep himself from pushing himself back, tilting his head up and trying to convey his feelings to Siri, some words like “I love you, Siri, you, me, please, not Yuki, c-can’t- you’re so nice, fuck me, fuck, I need- love, yes-” spilling free from his lips in such a desperate manner he wants to cringe.

 

But then he can feel Siri’s thrusts speeding and there’s something running through his body and he just sees white heat. He’s clenching and trying to grasp for the other- still,- with his hands shaking and head spinning so much it almost feels surreal. As much as he doesn’t want it to end, doesn’t want to ever stop,  _ it’s too good,  _ he knows the familiar feeling of anxiety in his chest and his ribs are still panging in agony but  _ I just want more, Siri, please, I wanna be with you, make me yours-  _ He doesn’t know if he can pull himself away, too caught up in the moment and the fuzziness of his vision and the way his breath seems to go away when he feels Siri’s mouth against his ear… and maybe he loves him, already, more than he loves Yuki, because this isn’t just sex, it  _ means something... _

 

Siri isn’t quite sure what he's mumbling into the other’s ears, promises and declarations of love and desires, but he doesn’t know if any of it makes sense. It probably doesn’t, but it doesn’t seem to stop Akivya from moaning his name is complete bliss at each word. It’s cute how he does so, something Siri wants to happen a lot more now, though the fear of this only being a one night stand grows longer the more this goes on. He doesn’t want it to end at all- it’s too good, too perfect. 

 

As he’s coming out of his thoughts, heat building rapidly in his lower stomach, he hears the faint sound of the door slamming and a voice - Yuki’s voice, loud and upset, something he knew almost too well for it to be healthy. Siri could feel his entire body freeze up immediately, in mid thrust, as he nails dug into Akivya’s back. He wanted to leap off of the older man, to warn him and have him hide somewhere or get dressed, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually say a single word when he saw the door open revealing Yuki.

 

Apologies and  _ it’s not what you think it is _ build in his throat, doing a complete one eighty from just moments before. “Y-Yu..Yuki,” he winced when he realized how scratchy and raw his voice sounded, almost pathetically quiet low to boot. “W-we.. please, d-don’t be angry-”

 

“A-angry? Why would I be angry, Siri? How could I be..” Yuki’s voice was far too controlled, almost mocking them as he closed the door behind him. He clasped his hands together, leaning on his cane, and smiled. “Why don’t you boys finish what you have started, huh? Fuck each other- go on, finish like filthy little desperate whores that you’ve both shown me you can be.”

 

He doesn’t want to. All Akivya wants if for Yuki to go away, magically disappear like he’d never come back in the first place. He shifts under Siri, uncomfortable, a moan escaping his throat unintentionally as he tries to raise his head. He wants to scream until Yuki leaves and then scream some more, because he already feels so humiliated that he’d disappear if he could.

 

He pushes himself back against Siri instead, aware that it’s better for him to do what Yuki wants than it is to fight it, barely able to pull himself together after the door opened. Still, he can feel Siri’s tense body start to loosen, barely obliging as he gave a short, almost weak thrust against him, Akivya’s body only tightening up from the action. As much as he wants to run away, he wants to be here with Siri more- it was his idea, right? He… Yuki couldn’t get mad at Siri if he said that.

 

He jerks his hips roughly, feeling Siri give another, longer thrust that only serves to make him cry out as he feels a heat build in his abdomen and a spike of pleasure run through his body as Siri hit his prostate. Akivya shuddered, his hands clawing at the sheets as Siri did it again, enough that even with Yuki, he couldn’t hold back the sudden excitement that had built, his entire body wanting to burst as the pleasure continued to build until his mind was foggy. He gasped, barely getting out a, “S-Siri, please-” before he could feel the tension snapping and his vision went completely blurred and he only felt himself trembling and trembling and crying out-

 

Siri didn’t stop himself from pressed a needy kiss to the other’s neck, trying to forget about the fact that Yuki is just watching them with a glare that is slowly just making him lose his erection. It felt too unnerving to just.. continue doing this, felt wrong and disgusting because he just knew that Yuki was going to be pissed if he actually pulled out of didn’t, cum inside Akivya soon. He glanced over to the man for a moment, flinching when his eyes, unblinking and too angry to be mistaken for anything else, caught his eye and smiled. “Yuki.. p-please..”

 

“Sh, darling.. just continue, you seemed to be enjoying it before I got here. Just fuck into your little boyfriend’s asshole.” Yuki waved a hand over him, coming closer to him as Akivya shook underneath him. “Go on you two, just pretend like I’m not here.”

 

“Y-Yuki- we-we,” he bites his lip stopping himself from continuing once Yuki lost his devious smile. Thrusting his hips forward, Siri tried to continue imagining that they were completely alone once again, enjoying themselves without fear of Yuki.. it was forced, but he forced himself to enjoy it enough to release a silent moan at each feeling of skin meeting skin. “Akivya.. Y-Yuki.. I-I’m close-”

 

He felt Akivya pushing back against him, panting and pleading for him to continue, just enough to feel the familiar cold shiver going through his spine. Giving a final gentle thrust, Siri groaned as he emptied himself inside the older man. Guilt and anxiety built up in his chest, very hesitantly looking over to the sixty year old man still staring at them- his smile gone, the anger completely dominating in his eyes. “I’m.. s-sorry- I-I forced h-him. D-don’t ye-ll- sorry.”

 

He felt more terrified than he had in a long time, the anxiety building up in his chest like a void until he felt empty, totally sucked dry by the glare Yuki was aiming at them. Struggling to turn himself over, almost too tense at the way Siri's release leaked out of his body, his own painting the side of his stomach… with the bruises and his bleeding lip, the thought of Yuki was complete hell to his mind.

 

When he manages to pull himself onto his back, lying breathless on the sheets and looks up at Siri, whose face betrays every ounce of tension in his body, he almost wants to cry. He can't help letting out a whine when the younger man is pulled off of him, Yuki's hand fisting in his hair. He wants to plead- cry out, say Siri was only doing it for him, that it was his fault, that Yuki should be hitting him… the only thing that comes out is a tiny, “Stop-” that slowly grows louder until he's shouting, “ _ Stop! Yuki, fucking stop!” _

 

And he did, immediately dropping Siri’s head and turning to face the smaller man. He leaned down, breathing into the man’s face as he hissed out. “And who are you to tell me what to do, Akivya? Hm? A little whore that rented themselves out so cheaply in a motel- sucking cocks of whatever diseased creature that called for you? No family, no friends, no money because it all went to feeding your fatass? Is that who you are, Aki?”

 

He grabs his face, ignoring the whimpering sound the other man. “Or are you something else, Akivya? You’ve certainly shown me that you’re not above stealing men to get what you want.. not at all. Tell me, Akivya- how long have the two of you been fucking? Long time? I’m not sure why I’d expect anything less from either of you- both of you really are desperate little whores.”

 

Siri opens his mouth to argue with him, to tell him to leave Akivya alone, but flinches and hisses away from the older man with a simple look. He digs his head in Akivya’s chest, close to tears, whispering a ‘sorry- I’m so sorry’ in it. It really was his fault for getting Akivya in trouble, he knew this, but he wasn’t sure if he really was all that sorry. Akivya enjoyed the sex, even if the ending was a disaster, and for the most part, Siri did too.. And Yuki can’t really take that away from either of them.

 

Akivya wants to just hug Siri- pull the younger man into his arms and tell him it's not his fault, that it's Yuki, that Yuki shouldn't have hit him and that he just wanted to keep him safe… but he can't, not when Yuki's pulling his head up with long fingers under his chin as he talks, not when he's screaming at him about what a whore he is, desperate, greedy, how he should be thanking him…

 

He's gripping Siri's shoulder, unwilling to let go even as Yuki continues to scream at him, even when he's trying to pull Siri away from him and Akivya's crying, loudly, a complete mess as he tries to keep the other with him, though his hands are too sweaty and his body too weak… And then he hears a resounding smack and he's too scared to do anything because Yuki knows all his weak spots and  _ should be hitting me, me, not Siri- _

 

And he can't even help it, the way he tries to grab Yuki's arm, make him stop before he's falling and everything aches and he can't see, his shaking returning as he lets out hollow, broken sobs and pleas and can't bring himself to move. Yuki's foot hits his ribs and he's falling onto his back and curling in on himself,  _ just stop, get off of him-! _

 

Yuki’s handprint stung harder than it’s ever really done before- something that surprised the young male. He could only stare at Yuki, unsure of what he’s supposed to say as Akivya cried underneath him, huddled into a tight ball and crying for him to stop. Akivya’s screams broke his heart, making him feel useless and despicable for basically convincing the older man to do this. Yuki should’ve been going after him- not poor innocent Akivya. He wanted to tell Yuki to get the fuck away from Akivya- that it wasn't his fault and he doesn't deserve to punish him, but he can't quite seem to find his voice to do anything but hiss a quiet 'please' that sounds so fucking weak. It suits him right now, because he’s weak and too useless to be of any help for his lover against his.. well, other love. 

 

“A-A-Aki..” he reaches a hand out, wrapping an arm around his body, tears spilling from his eyes as he looked back up to the older man. "S-stop- I-I was... was the o-one that.. told.. told him to do this. W-we.. we didn't mean to make you u-upset Y-Yuki.. p-please.. s-stop, d-don't hit him."

 

Yuki's hands stopped midair, giving the younger man a gentle smile. "I don't believe that, Siri. Not for a moment. You see.. you two fucking each other, suckling and marking, would obviously make me very, very upset. But of course.. 'I didn't mean it!' is coming out of your mouth. Always is, isn't it? Always making excuses, never taking credit for anything you all do."

 

He pauses, leaning down to cup his face. Yuki graces his lips with a kiss, biting down on his lower lip before breaking away. "Children, the both of you two are. Both of you need to start acting like adults instead of what the two of you are constantly showing me you are." 

 

Everything hurts too much for Akivya to respond, his lips parting entirely wordless, shutting his eyes tightly. He can't even bring himself to cough, all the cries that leave his throat just serving to make his body more sore. He's never felt so weak, so stupid, worthless… Siri was… he was the nicest person Akivya knew and he'd gotten him hurt and… it hurt him too. Yuki… Yuki was… he was  _ hurting _ him and Akivya just wanted it to stop because  _ if anyone's a worthless bastard it's you, get the fuck off him! _

 

The marks on his neck have only started to feel worse, almost like shame, with the way Yuki's staring at them, running fingers across the love bites until Akivya's going even more tense, too scared to move. All he can do is quiver beneath the older man’s icy touch, and give a short cry when Yuki's fingers dig into his badly bruised ribcage and then he's suddenly shouting, because it hurts so much and he's almost certain his ribs are broken.

 

“Yuki…” he coughed out, too weakly to be heard as he tilts his head to the side, shutting his eyes. “I-I'm sorry… S-Siri… I… we… w-wanted him to fuck me… n-needed… y-you know how I-I am… he-he’s just trying to protect…” he almost choked on his words, spluttering when Yuki's hands squeezed tighter, only able to give a loud wail. “ _ Yuki, please- _ ” he starts, eyes watering. “I… I need… hospital, please…  _ it hurts.”  _ his fingers fumbled to grab for Siri, still crying as he looked up to his husband. “I-I need…” 

 

“I need.. I need, I need, I  _ need.  _ Always demanding things that you don’t really need,” Yuki tsked, wagging a finger in his face as he pulled the boy’s arm just enough so that he was lying onto the pillows and headboard. His hands moved down to inspect his ribs, roughly moving across the purple marks as Akivya hissed, pulling away. He smacked his leg much too hard. “Let me look, Akivya- don’t suddenly turn into a little bitch now. I’m not wasting my precious money - that to no thanks to me and me alone, have earned to take care of the two of you - that you want me to constantly be spending on you both.”

 

Akivya held his tongue, nodding back with tears still streaming down his face. The look on his face only served to make Siri look worse, unable to do anything else but lay next to him, hands curling around his wrists. “J-just take him- ba-baby, please.. th-they’re obviously.. obviously broken. Yuki,  _ please _ .”

 

Yuki turned to him, bringing down his hand hard enough to slap his cheek, causing the man to cry out in pain as he turned away. “Quiet. Neither of you are to speak unless I tell you too- I’m still very upset with you both.”

 

It’s almost impossible not to say anything, when Yuki’s practically prodding his swollen skin, all but gripping the sides of his ribcage enough that there’s an awful, burning sensation that only serves to make Akivya bite down on his lips, harsh enough to draw blood, as he attempts to hide his whimpers. He wants to scream- wants to tell Yuki to get away from him, not to touch him, that he doesn’t care if he has to go back to fucking  _ selling himself  _ if it means he won’t get the shit beaten out of him.

 

The only relief is the feel of Siri’s fingers entwined with his, the other’s hand cool and still against his own sweaty, tingling skin. It’s… welcome, against the harsh touches that the older man’s giving him. Akivya can’t help leaning his head back and attempting to bite down on the pillow next to him at the sudden pull, before he’s looking up to Yuki. The other’s face is illuminated by a subtle frown, enough that Akivya momentarily decides  _ well, I guess he does have a heart- somewhat.  _

 

His eyes barely flicker, looking up until his gaze can meet Yuki’s, still doing his best not to pull away in the case it would make things worse- if not for him, for Siri. He isn’t surprised when Yuki forcefully pulls their hands apart, enough that tears start to spill from Akivya’s eyes again and a tearful echo threatens to leave his throat. instead, he tries to focus on Yuki, barely stammering out, “D-do y-you believe me now?”

 

“You whine.. but yet you still fucked- your priorities are very interesting, Akivya,” Yuki murmurs quietly, pulling his hand away from him. Turning to look at Siri, he noted the slight whimper that he gave when he caught his eye. Cute. “Siri, go get something so that I can clean him off. And get put on some damn clothes.”

 

Siri nods faintly, very quickly grabbing Akivya’s hand to reassure him before disappearing into the bathroom. As soon as he turns the corner, a quiet sob escaped his lips. This wasn’t fair- not at all, Akivya didn’t deserve to have to go to the emergency room because Yuki had beat him so badly. Neither of them really deserved it- but he wanted to focus on Aki for right now. Tears fell down his face, multiple sobs leaving him as he tried to gain back control of himself after several long moments. In a better world, where Yuki didn’t basically control their entire world, it’d be true, wouldn’t it? They’d be happy together, without broken ribs and tears staining their cheeks. 

 

But this world wasn’t perfect.. not all, not even close to being somewhat perfect. As much as he loved Yuki, and he knew Yuki adored him (just in a different way that most people loved each other), being with him wouldn’t ever actually bring him to his perfect world. Akivya.. he didn’t know if he’d bring him there. He hoped he would, he really did.

 

Akivya's eyes couldn't help lingering on the doorway where Siri had disappeared, barely giving any thought to the man next to him until he felt Yuki’s hand on his cheek, turning his face to the side until he was forced to look at the older man. Trying to keep his breath steady, all Akivya managed to do was keep their eyes somewhat locked, completely uncaring that they were almost to the point of spilling over with tears. His presence was just too overwhelming, practically dominating the room around him. He didn't want to look at him, wanted desperately to look anywhere  _ but,  _ and yet for some reason he couldn't move his eyes.

 

“Y-Yuki.” he breathes out weakly, a hand sliding onto the other's shoulder as he tries not to move any more than necessary. He's already tired- too tired, hurts too much- and his eyes are almost begging to be closed. Still, at the sound of Siri's voice in the doorway, he can't help looking up, almost too quickly as he continues to cling to Yuki's clothes.

 

“There, there, Akivya,” Yuki sighed, running a hand through the younger’s hair. “Calm down, darling. Just let us take care of you before you hurt yourself worse.” Yuki’s hand swept over his lips, wiping the cum mixed with blood from his face. “It’d be a shame for the nurses to look at you now..”

 

Siri opened his mouth to tell him to stop -  _ because Akivya was in a lot of pain right now and they didn’t need this right now _ \- but thought against it at the last moment when he saw the look Yuki was giving Akivya. He was amused, but yet.. he could see the concern he had hidden on his face. Gone was the angry look, thankfully. He moved forward, handing a damp towel in one hand and clothes for Akivya in the other.

 

He looked down to the man, giving him a light smile as his hand briefly touched his. Akivya’s pained expression melted just a little bit of this, enough for him to open his eyes and corner of his lips to tug forward. Siri tried to ignore the glare Yuki was giving him at this, turning to put on clothes. Sliding on sweats a bit too tight for him, probably Akivya’s or Yuki’s, he turned back around to look at the older man with a small flinch. 

 

“Good boy,” Yuki taunted, reaching up to the youngest boy to caress his cheek. “Help him get clean…”

 

He almost wants to tell Siri not to worry about it, because it doesn't matter to him if he's dirty or clean,  only caring that the pain stops, because everything's swollen and bruised and sore and  _ it hurts-  _ but all he does is let out a soft sigh and try to raise his head enough to meet eyes with the younger man, pulling a shirt over his head as he turned around. Akivya breathes, unsteadily, almost uncertain when he feels Siri’s hands moving across the filthy skin of his thighs, his head all but spinning as he pushes it back against the pillow.

 

“Y-Yuki… a-aah… can we… please… now?” Akivya chokes out, barely able to refrain from sobbing again as a hand slips under his back, then one under his legs- he doesn’t know if they’re gonna try and dress him, if Yuki’ll make him do it himself, if Yuki’s going to have him walk outside like this… no matter what, nothing sounds exactly ‘good.’ 

 

He looks up at Siri once more, fleeting glances that only make him try not to make a fuss when he realizes how much of a mess the other is, sporting a dark bruise on one cheek and a cut brow. He wonders what Yuki’s going to tell the nurses- mugging or robbery? Rough sex gone bad? Fell down the stairs? The thoughts are almost enough to bring a smile to his lips, although it’s not one of substance, more one that shouldn’t even be there.

 

He looks up at Siri again before his head is turned back to face Yuki and a taunting kiss is being placed on his forehead before he feels hands pulling him upward. There’s pain everywhere and he doesn’t know how much longer he can take it- 

 

But he thinks of Siri. And that’s the only thing that makes him relax in Yuki’s arms- he just doesn’t want Siri to get hurt anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

Siri was never sure why he felt so small in hospitals, after all, he had spent the majority of his early life in here. Mom was a nurse and frequently brought him there with his little sisters when his father was drunk and got a bit too violent with everyone else. He should’ve felt more comfortable here, but he didn’t. Not at all. Being here made him feel incredibly terrified, like someone was going to come behind him and.. and that’s all he can really think of how to make it. It’s this general feeling of terror, something he couldn’t really place even if it was on the tip of his tongue. 

 

Curling up the best he can in his seat, he tried to focus the best he could on something. His eyes locked onto Yuki’s grimace, the way the wrinkles of his face dropped suddenly when he realized he was staring at him, the nurses and doctors that passed them without giving them a simple look… nothing seemed to stick. He pushed his forehead into Yuki’s shoulder, slightly scared to see whether he would push him away or not, but smiled when he felt an arm going around his shoulders and push them into his chest. Yuki’s fingers managed their way through his hair, playing with his stray pieces of hair. 

 

It felt relaxing, nicer than what he’s been feeling the last few hours. The worry he feels still doesn’t leave him though, only growing stronger the more he’s out here waiting for Akivya to come out. He wasn’t sure at all why he was in there for so long- they were sitting out here for hours now, just waiting and not being told anything. It pissed his off frankly.

 

“Y-Yuki,” he finally looked up at him, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “S-should we ask about.. about how long Akivya is gonna be in there? Could… could something be wrong?”

 

It wasn’t even a moment later before a man in blue was headed towards them, looking almost.. apologetic. The anxiety he felt flared.

 

* * *

 

  
  


He didn’t know what was going on- or how long he’d been out. It seemed like the more time spent looking at a white wall the more blurry everything got. There was a wave of freezing heat- somehow- that seemed to build behind his eyes, his hands all but shaking, and Akivya doesn’t even know if it’s because of how bruised up he is or how long he’s been in here. All he knows is that he’s shaking and sweating and it feels like his chest’s going to break into a million little bone fragments right in the middle of another fucking x-ray.

 

He’s barely managed to close his eyes before he’s blinking them open, and all he notices is how much… darker everything looks. Almost like the room was suddenly bathed in a tub of pitch, turning darker and darker the heavier his body seemed to get. He wanted to stand- wanted to, so badly- but the second he looked at the ground, he thought he was going to fall forward, land in a heap on the tile floor.

 

His throat hurts and he wants to vomit, but he can hardly think. All he can think of is  _ Siri- is he okay, did Yuki hurt him, was he injured like me, are things getting worse, does he worry about me, is it okay for him to be here?  _ He doesn’t know how many thoughts- or, more so, fragments- his mind runs through before he’s drawing a deep breath and letting it out and  _ he’s so tired.  _ All of a sudden, it’s even blacker than before.

  
And then he’s looking up and all he can see is Yuki’s face and hear Siri’s murmuring in the background and he wants to ask what’s going on, but he can’t even find the words…

 

“A-Aki,” Siri barely manages to spit it out before he’s embracing the man’s body, careful not to touch his bandaged sides, lips pressing against his forehead. “T-they- t-they.. told us-”

 

Siri stopped, biting his lip as he looked back over to the doctor and Yuki, noting that they were both just content to watch them. He tried to pleaded for Yuki to come over to him, to help him explain what the man just told his because it felt weird and wrong for them to have some stranger break the news to him.. he wanted Akivya to hear it from someone who cared about him, not someone who wouldn’t recognize them in just a few days. Hours, really, if he had to be honest with himself.

 

“Y-you.. ha-have-” he couldn’t force himself to continue, stopping mid-sentence once again, tears threatening to fall as he took his hand into his own. It was several long moments before he whispered, “A-A.. tumor, Aki.”

 

It was like the void that had been building in his chest suddenly ripped, tearing everything in his body into little pieces that barely resembled a human. Anything akin to the happiness he’d felt in his chest when he saw Siri standing over him was now gone, his eyes drifting to Yuki’s rather expressionless face, wearing something between a smile and a grimace. Akivya couldn’t tell. All he could tell was that it felt like he was still tearing, and he wanted to collapse and thought he might actually do so.

 

He’s too out of it to know what that means, or maybe he’s just too stupid, like Yuki’s always said he was, because all he can feel is endless emptiness and all he can see is his own, trembling hands and his head is spinning, skin freezing cold and drenched with sweat as he sucks in a breath and tries to let it out. Then he’s crying, fat tears spilling over his hollow cheeks and he’s reaching out for Yuki, Siri, anyone, wants to collapse on the spot, is too goddamn exhausted to do anything more…

 

He doesn’t deserve this.

 

“I-I’m sorry,” Siri’s voice just keeps going on, mumbling out apologies and weak demands for Yuki to come over and comfort him with him. It just seems pitiful because it’s barely above a whisper and he’s not sure if it really comes out as anything but inane gibberish. Still, the longer he talks, the less he has to face the reality of his Akivya having.. having cancer. It wasn’t fucking fair- no, it wasn’t fair at all. There were so many fucking people in this world- Yuki, rapist, cannibalistic people, serial killers.. but the universe chose Aki- his sweet, sweet Aki. “Y-you.. d-d-don’t deserve this, Akivya..”

 

He embraces the other man as tight as he can, not caring when he can feel the man drench his sweats with his tears and crumple his fingers into the shirt. Pressing a quick kiss to his forehead, almost desperate and needy, he doesn’t hesitate to whisper, “I love you… we’re not gonna let you leave us behind.. Akivya- I’m so sorry.”

 

He’s suddenly crying and he doesn’t know if he can stop.The rivulets-no, streams of tears pouring over his cheeks- are too much, all of it too heavy to bear. Akivya wants to curl up into a ball and slam his head against the floor and scream- he wants to yell about how unfair it is, about how it can’t be true, how he can’t have cancer and surely they’ve made a mistake somewhere- but he can’t. 

 

He’s clinging to Siri and barely looking up at him through half-lidded, veiled eyes and he’s unable to even meet Yuki’s because he doesn’t care and Akivya knows he’s going to die and he won’t even be able to tell Siri… everything he felt last night, because it’s so much that it’s overwhelming and he doesn’t know how to keep everything together when it feels like it’s all crumbling into dust. He grips Siri’s hand, tangling their fingers together as he cries, barely looking at anything because it’s all gone blurry and he feels so weak and  _ I’m gonna die from fucking cancer, I have cancer, I’, not gonna... _

 

Yuki couldn’t force himself to look at the boy, uncomfortable with everything that’s been said already. As much as he wanted to just.. just walk over to him, embrace and comfort him, he felt himself locked in place. His eyes lingered on the two of them holding each other, weeping without restraint. He would’ve prefered if they had decided to break down after the doctor had left them, but.. neither of them really ever held back in showing their emotions in public. In a way, it was remarkable- in another, it was awkward and felt like it was causing too much trouble. He could understand for right now.

 

“H-how long does he have?” He bites his lip after hearing the audible stutter in his tone, but tries to pretend he doesn’t hear it. Forcing himself to walk over to Akivya, trying to ignore the ache in his bones the closer he got to him, he ran a hand through his hair and pressed a kiss to his the back of his head, repeatedly running his hand through his hair and keeping his eyes as far as he can from Akivya. It felt too painful to look at him.

 

He doesn’t want to know. That’s all Akivya can think- that he really,  _ really  _ doesn’t want to know the answer to that, because he doesn’t even know what… what type of cancer he has or where the tumor is or if it’s something that’s gonna kill him  _ now…  _ All the thoughts just serve to make him feel more nauseous, bile building in his throat the more the doctor went on- he couldn’t hear anything he said. The words went straight over his head, the only thing that was really legible being the eventual, “three years, possibly.” that was given after Yuki’s question.

 

He reaches out, arms continuing to hold Siri close, entirely unwilling to let go as he continued to cry into the fabric of his pants, attempting to brush the tears from his eyes when he caught the doctor’s glance. Yuki hadn’t looked at him once, and still seemed adamant on averting his eyes… it was enough that Akivya wanted to yell at him, demand that he… that he was there for him, in every way, because he was Yuki’s husband and Yuki had said “in sickness or health” and it was… he just couldn’t understand.

 

“Please…” he murmured, unsure of why, or what he was actually saying, his hands clinging to Siri’s legs without pulling back, the ache in his chest having returned tenfold. “I-I don’t… it… I don’t wanna die, fuck, please-” 

 

“Y-you won’t,” Siri pressed him closer to him, taking a seat next to him enough to be able to take him fully in his arms. He felt lighter than he did just a few hours ago- barely a pound, barely any weight like he wasn’t even there. Siri didn’t wipe away the tears that fell from his face, soaking the man’s hair. He didn’t have the strength to do anything but cradle Akivya.

 

He felt Yuki’s hand caress his cheek, wiping away the tears from his face as he pressed a light kiss to his cheek as the returned to brushing Akivya’s hair back from his face. For a moment, he felt like they were an actual family that really cared about each other. And the feeling of it was nice, even if it was in the worst possible situations for him to think this, and he wanted for them to never untangle from their embrace.

 

“Is-is..” Siri breaks from his stare of Akivya, lip quivering. “C-can.. we-we do…  _ anything _ ?”

 

“At the rate which the growth has accelerated, there’s not much to be done other than general treatments. Medication, which the doctor can prescribe after the visit… chemotherapy… if the tumor doesn’t respond well to the treatment, or perhaps simply the environment, it might be best to have him hospitalized, but for now, you’re free to take him home after we finish up the x-ray work and sort out the medication.”

 

The doctor gave a frown, one that almost made Akivya want to cry more, his hands shaking almost uncontrollably as he fisted them in the white sheets and looked over at Siri, and then back to Yuki. He’s almost more terrified of what Yuki’s going to say than the fact that he… that he has a tumor. But then there’s the thought of the cancer killing him and  _ three years  _ and that’s barely any time and he wants to scream. He almost pushes Siri and Yuki away, hands feebly pressing against their chest, shoulders, but too weak to do much more than just nudge them. The pain in his sides suddenly feels ten times worse than before, but even with the fractured ribs, he can’t bring himself to care about injury. He- he was gonna fucking die, and Akivya knew there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

 

“Thank you,” Yuki nods to the man, pushing his head closer to his chest until his shirt was being wrinkled by how tight his grip of in his shirt was. He waved the man off, thanking him again before finally looking down at the boy. As much as he wanted to yell at him, to scream at him for getting fucking cancer at such a young age, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything other than comfort him in complete silence, his sobs turning into static. Yuki almost felt sick from all of this, he had never thought of Siri or Akivya ever getting cancer or dying before he did. The reality of it almost was too much for him to bear.

 

Yuki moved his eyes and arrested on Siri’s shaking body, wanting to say something that the two of them would find comforting. “Y-you’ll get the best medicine, Aki, darling.. we can afford to send you to the best hospital in the world- you..  _ passing _ won’t be anytime soon.”

 

“Y-Yuki..” Siri winced, looking up at him. “Aki… h-he? I-I can’t… Akivya.. he ca-can’t die- I love you both.. I-I can’t have you both.. either of you.”

 

He doesn’t know if Yuki’s being serious, because he’s always gone on about how much time and money they’ve cost him, but when Akivya tries to look up and meet his eyes, he’s almost surprised to find a hint of something… genuinely upset there. It’s different than what he’s used to, with Yuki’s constant glares and degrading remarks, and the way he’s always hitting him and Siri, but Akivya thinks… he thinks Yuki cares.

 

But it’s in Siri’s eyes that he finds the most sadness, a need to be comforted, almost, a pain of denial as if he’s trying to tell himself this isn’t really happening. That’s all it takes for Akivya to grasp hold of Siri’s hand and squeeze it, once, comfortingly. He doesn’t know if it works, because he knows that he’s not going to be alright, but… but it’s something. And for now, it’s the best he can do.

 

He does love them, and he thinks they love him back. And if he dies, Akivya’s pretty sure they’d both feel the loss… so he’s just gotta stay alive. For them. As long as he can.


End file.
